Excited and Sad
Hey guys –
Pete and I talked about it last night and I decided to take my blog off of public access. The reviewer I accused of poor timing with her review of V V on Goodreads has made it her mission this week to share emails I sent to her, conversations I had with my fellow contestant via email, any other post I ever posted about V V on Goodreads, solicitations for reviewers if they like vampire books to contact me, trash what my opinion of what her coincidentally timed reveiw looked like, and basically call in to question whether or not I have a grasp of ethical behavior.
Since I can’t answer any of this hoopla without sounding defensive I’ve decided I will restrict my blog to feed to my friends here on Facebook. You guys are really the ones I wrote it for anyway. I had hoped I could share some of myself and my journey with you so that you might get to know me as a person and I would become real – rather than just a name on a book.
I’ve been under a huge amount of scrutiny this week – and while I know I can take it in the long run, the short game is incredibly difficult and highly personal. To know that people read what you have to share because they are excited for you and want to be a part of your journey is completely different then knowing people are watching you and happy to twist your words around to make you look bad.
Why is this woman and her blogging buddies doing this? I can’t really answer that – in the big picture of books and book writing I’m basically a nobody. To think my actions – ones I’ve done right and ones I’ve done that skirted a line should be held up by strangers whom are happy to think the worst and tell everyone they know honestly never occurred to me.
So while today I find out if I made first or gladly and proudly take home second I feel sad. What should have been the most exciting time of my career so far has left me feeling flat and empty with the pettiness of others.
Thanks so much for being real people – for watching from the sidelines, for supporting me with votes and comments where you could, for advising me to back out and rise above the hoopla, for not jumping into the fray to have these sharks aimed at you and for helping me see that in the really big scheme of things a handful of angry bloggers will not make or break me – it’s readers like you who will.
Here’s to hoping today that I do well and win and if by chance I don’t – here’s to moving on and continuing on this path to getting V V published. It may be a rocky and sometimes scary path, but I am so grateful I’m not traveling it alone.