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New week and a Dead Gerbil

January 11, 2010

I’m up early today because I’ve had a rough time sleeping lately – contrary to what some may think, it’s not because of the past weekend.  I need to move forward this week and revel in the fact that I’ve at least made second place in an incredibly grueling contest. No small feat and one that still leaves me shocked and a little shaken.

I’ve made some new friends and pissed off some people along the way and hey, that’s just life. (And par for the course in my life if truth be told.)

The real reason I’m up early and can’t sleep (and my dogs playing rough with pent up winter energy at 5:15 didn’t help) is because this week starts the rounds of follow-up doctor visits.

Today I visit the infectious disease specialist to follow up on whether or not my Lyme’s symptoms have returned. None of them seemed to have except one – the numbness in my fingers and toes.  Will that be enough to make him think I need more treatment?  I feel so much better than I did back in September, granted the stress lately has been crappy, but still so much better.

If the symptoms have returned I’ll have to have a pict (sp? or pick?) line inserted in my arm and will have to undergo a self-administered 20-minute IV drip of serious antibiotics each day. The alternative is it’s not Lyme’s and it’s early stages of multiple sclerosis. So while I’m not looking forward to a pict line it’s much better than MS.

There is still so much doctors don’t know that it’s really hard to go to one appointment after another and have them all disagree.  Two say MS and one says no.  If the ID doc today doesn’t think it’s Lyme’s the hematologist doctor suggests to do a second lumbar puncture and read my CSF results again. I’d rather not dwell on that particular hell today so I won’t.

I meet with the neurologist again on Thursday as well – here’s to hoping my latest MRI’s and blood work give him the answers he needs to make a sound diagnosis.  I’m also still waiting for a call back from the hematologist who ran a blood panel to see if I have more than just two auto immune diseases (EE and Celiac’s.)

Ahh…and now to address what made my dogs go ape shit at 5:15 this morning.  I cleaned up the evidence before getting my kids up for school but haven’t quite figured out how to address the issue.  I let Pete sleep in and I’ll have to get his input.  The cat (I think) somehow worked the eye hook off the latch on the library door – and I know it was latched b/c I check it every damn night – and killed my son’s gerbil.

I joke about the little mini-rats being annoying, but I never would have wished a death like that on any child’s pet – this isn’t the wild, it’s our home and the pet should have been safe here.  My son hasn’t been too enthralled with his gerbil lately but I don’t think that will mean he won’t be crushed.  I need more coffee to figure out how to solve this one.

This week I plan on exercising, doing some yoga, working on The Hunt and staying off-line as much as I can.

How do I think things will turn out on Friday?  I’m not sure.  All the writers in the contest are talented.  I’m clearly out of my league when it comes to experience with actual years spent writing when compared to all the other writers in the top ten – heck, even from all 21 of the semi-finalists.  I clearly don’t have a thick skin yet when it comes to accepting unprofessional behavior. I clearly don’t have the connections within the industry and among my peers like most of my competitors do. But I’ll get there in time.

What I do have is readers – and I thank every last one of you for being along for the ride. I never knew when I embarked on this distraction last spring that I could have come so far in such a short time. I never could have done it without all of you.  Thank you for reminding me of what is important in life, thank you for helping me to rise above the pettiness I never knew was in store for me so soon, and thank you for picking me up when I’m down. To think I’ve earned all of this by just sharing my book with you leaves me with tears of gratitude. I look forward to meeting you one day at a book signing so I can thank you in person.

I’ve certainly come far in these 11 months from typing “Chapter One” — and I’m glad to have you by my side as I move forward and get my book published. I’ve said it before but it bears repeating – there would be no book without you.  I’m not some dedicated and driven writer who is pushed by demons in my head to get my words down on paper.  Nope.

I’m just a regular person floundering to make good choices and who sometimes steps wrong – a person with a love of books and Urban Fantasy who had a neat idea in her head. So what are your dreams?  If you dare to dream about writing keep in mind that if I can do it so can you.

May your week be filled with good news, good friends and good food – you’ll all be in my thoughts,
C.J.

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