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Started my first serious overhaul today on V V

August 8, 2009

I finally did what my main crit partner, Supriya, has been yammering for me to do. Okay, yammering is a bit strong. She wants the whole MS in one big file *check*, and to have me go through it with a fine tooth comb for punctuation *started*.

Punctuation is my downfall. She kindly sent me an email on comma usage, but seriously? I have a hard time really grasping the nuances. And so now I doubt myself every time I want to put one of those pesky things in my writing.

I thought I was using them right, but apparently I am sadly mistaken. I am not using them right. Why is this part of it so hard for me? Is it the slight dyslexia issue I have with spelling? Thank heavens for the spell check feature and the auto red-underline one as well ( I scored so low on the testing scores in school one year they thought I mis-filled in the dots, until the next year when I scored LOWER) .

I never really grasped 8th grade English class with diagramming sentences, participles, and the like. perhaps that’s why I focused on Art, Math and Science. What do you get when you have a woman whose ticket to school was her art portfolio and her high SAT scores and then after a semester she becomes a chemistry major? Let’s flush those years of art and technical drawing right down the drain.

Oh, and should I mention I then went into the mortgage banking industry (and I can honestly say, I did not encourage a loan the person couldn’t afford, those loan officers should be shot) for seven years and finally capitalized on my financial savvy to become a Realtor and have my own small property management business? Or that my husband and I flipped houses where we did almost all the work ourselves?

How many of my FB girlfriends out there can tile, lay flooring and do minor electrical work? I am in love with this type of work. It is incredibly satisfying to see something you’ve worked hours to create (or even minutes to fix) finally be a finished piece in your home – be it a painting, a mosaic fireplace surround, or a bathroom floor and shower stall. I encourage you all to give it a try – there is no way that guy with not enough sense to buy pants (or a wear a belt) to cover his ass crack can do a better job than you. Seriously, trust me on that.

What do I decide is my next venture? Do I continue with my dream/love of houses and get my contractors license so I can flip homes? Nope, I’m tied to the house for 18 months where I can be close to a bathroom at all times during a bunch of medical issues – and so, I start to write.

I feel completely out of sorts in the writing/publishing industry. It seems incredibly ass backward. People write for years and never finish a book. Others write half a dozen and never take that step to get them submitted. Fewer actually SELL their work (but not for enough money to quit their day job, so they continue to struggle to write AND work) and then the rarest of the rare – the ones that actually make enough on it for it to be a ‘real’ job.

I’m left feeling floundering. Why do people do this if they think there is only a snowball’s chance in hell it will succeed? Why do others write for the love of writing but then cower in fear to have anyone read it? I seem to be unique yet again in this field. I let everyone read my work and I know not all of them will like it. Big deal. I don’t like Love in the Time of Cholera and I wouldn’t read a tear-jerking Oprah book unless I had to. Different strokes for different folks. Someone not liking my work is not a big deal to me.

Just like someone not liking my art work. It is a subject to the eye that is beholding it.

I want to make money at it and I’m willing to take chances to do things my peers are not. I’m having a hard time finding anyone willing to take the risks and chances I am. Most tell me it is career suicide. Others wish me luck and offer advice. Still more are quiet. I’m sure a lot of them think I’m going to fail (but they are all way too nice to say it).

And they might be right.

But I don’t think so. And THAT is what counts. I think I’m going to make it and I think I can sell my book.

So what if I don’t become a NYT Bestselling author. I couldn’t give a flying F*** if I do as long as I make money at it. And I don’t mean four figures or even five figures. Money is six figures and up or I might as well go back to real estate.

I don’t think 1,000 fans are blowing sunshine up my ass. I don’t think they are being nice and telling me they like it if they don’t. The ones that don’t like it are probably nice enough to keep that thought to themselves. My peers don’t exactly diss the FB fan base, but they don’t think it’s so hot either. They act like all those people joined b/c I know them. Well, I’m proud to say I do know a lot of them now and would call them friends, but I did not know them before.

I’m inspired by the kind words they write and the belief they have in me that my book is worthy and it will sell. I’m encouraged by the support they give me and the reviews they promise they’ll write for me – ALL OF IT.

Every time I get a peer that tells me I’m doing something wrong or it won’t work I think back to all of the people on FB. They are the book buyers. They will be the ones who make or break me. Not my peers.

I’ll stop my rant and go dry my eyes. I feel like I have to succeed now just to prove that it can be done. That no one is held at gunpoint by the big publishing houses for success. I deserve more than the sixty five cents per BOOK that they’d be willing to pay me. The Internet will be my distribution platform, not the book stores, and I will figure out a way to make it work.

Or I’ll try my damnedest and fail. Big deal, I’ve survived failure before. You just get back up and try again.

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